As You Wish

As we dripped into the tides of early morning, I understood time standing still. I understood what it's like to spend time like pennies, like it's endless. When I look at your face, I see simplicity. I see myself talking about anything, uncensored and lovely in my crudeness. And I see how you simply want to be mine. You don't speak in metaphors, you don't try to sway me. You are black and white. You are simple.

You say "I hope I never make you cry", with a look on your face as if it's the worst thing you could imagine.

And then you said this, "I think I can fix you. I want to fix you."

I've always been looking to be fixed. I've always known that I can't sew up the seams on my own and in my desperation to find my fellow seamstress, I've lost.

I've lost loves, and friendships, I've lost my heart.

So recently I decided to take the fixing onto me and myself,
and just as I realize that I can put myself back together, you come along.

And unlike the others, you actually want to put me back together.
You want to fix me.
You don't care if I take care of you.
You just want to care for me.
You asked if I would allow you to fix me.

As You Wish.

From Yours Truly and Departed

Riddle can you put me back together again,
I'm afraid that I've been dropped a few times.
I'm fully aware that I'm a sight for sore eyes,
so I'll excuse you if you choose to be blind.

You'd be wise, you'd be wise to be blind to me,
I've heard I have a heartbreak of epic proportions.
You'd be wise you'd be wise to be blind to me,
but I'll kiss you if you're still here in the morning.

I was never his sweetheart he was a swinger all along,
but I fell in love with similar acoustic songs.
So forgive me if I ramble, if I stumble, I will fall,
but every black band is another month strong.

You'd be wise, you'd be wise to be blind to me,
I've heard I have a heartbreak of epic proportions.
You'd be wise you'd be wise to be blind to me,
but I'll kiss you if you're still here in the morning.

I'm singin la la la la la, la la la la la, la la la la
this is a song from yours truly and departed.
la la la la la, la la la la la,
I'm truly yours and also I'm departed.

You'd be wise you'd be wise to be blind to me love,
you'd be wise.
But I'll kiss you if you're still here in the morning,
if you're still here in the morning,
please be here in the morning.

Merlot

I could feel the circling tendrils of smoke on his tongue as it traced the road map of my lips. The bitter taste of tobacco mixed with a sweet smell of his skin, and for once, I didn't mind the dirt.

I can't say I love you dear because I don't know if I can love two at once, but maybe I could learn to? Maybe I could love you, if you make me feel like something worth loving. You've already shown me what I've been missing out on, but can you bring me back from the dead? Can you remind me what it's like to be adored? Can you hold my head?

Right now I'm happy to sit on your couch and kiss you. I'm happy to hold your hand as you tell me that as twisted as it is you're glad he dumped me because you had been waiting for me for too long. I'm happy to do that right now.

If I've learned anything about myself through all this, it's that I'm a survivor. I am a fighter. But I can't survive all the time or fight every battle. I'm going to lose a few, and I hope you can lick my wounds better than he could. I hope you think I'm worth it.

I think about all that and try to push it out of my head and live in the moment. Right now, I'm just gonna focus on those smoke rings on your tongue and the pounding rhythm of rain and music that reverberates through my little sports car.

Right now, just pass the damn merlot darling.

Anniversaire

I should be over the moon,
the moon glinting in the corner of my chipped wooden window frame.
I'm surrounded by everything I want.
Except you love.
Except you.
It's the one thing I wished for that I didn't get.

happy birthday to me.

Go Tell Mary....

Go tell Mary she's gonna hurt tonight.
Go tell her that as soon as the wind starts to whip the dust up under the wheels of her car, hell is beginning to roll.
Go tell Mary that she's nothing immaculate.
Go tell Mary that she might as well turn off the radio because nothing will be able to drown out her scream once she starts.

Go warn Mary.
Go warn her not to fall in love.
Warn her that once you fall you're rooted, seeded into the ground.
Once you fall, you're down for the count.
When that wind starts to whip the dust around she'll be chained to the ground exposed to all the horrific elements.

Go tell Mary that when that storm comes she wont be ready.
When it starts to feel ominous, when the lightning backlights the train racing hellbent beside her, she's in for it.
Go tell Mary that there's nothing she can do.
Go tell Mary that when she's chained to that ground she better not hope it just rains,
she better hope it pours.
Let. It. Pour.

Criminal (in progress. didnt have my notebook on me)

I got a bright pair of shoes and knee high socks to cover bruises,
don't you know that you should've died with the monsters that walk the earth.
I’m not a martyr but I’m not doing myself a favor,
writing down in persisting ink the anecdote of your mirth.
Maybe I’ll write a story instead,
about how we left stacks of coins amidst the pedestrians
somewhere between 10 and 13 at the station
to see if they'd be worth something again.

I apologize for all the glass I’m going to break.
Being criminal is better than being still.
Arrest me only if it’s for your sake.

I have a rat a tat scarf so I look like a terrorist,
I've never planted a bomb, but I know I'm capable.
You don't idealize but maybe you'll i.d. this for me,
why am I backlit by all your scarlet poetry.
Perhaps I'll join the 31st rank,
just to see why those victory bells rang.
They signify the look in your eyes when you lied,
and said I'm why you sing.

I apologize for all the glass I’m going to break.
Being criminal is better than being still.
Arrest me only if it’s for your sake.

You know that I'll sign, so let me sign,
let me sign.
You know that I'll sign so let me sign,
let me sign.

And I'll apologize for all the glass I'm gonna break,
being criminal is better than being still.
Arrest me at your will if it's for you sake.

An Average Day

I love you even when I hate you.
Like right now, right now I hate you.
Right now, I would like nothing better than to slap you across your face.
But I won't do that because I wouldn't get the full satisfaction out of it.
I can't feel anything fully anymore because of you.
Everything that I do, every little joy that I have, you steal a little bit of it.
Because you made me love you.
I hate you.
I hate you so much.
And I hate that I can't hate you all the way because I love you so fucking much.
I cut off all my hair, and bought five inch heels, and drive a hot car, and have men lining up to be with me,
and I can't be fully happy with any of it because of you.
I should be happier than I've been in my whole life but I'm not because I can't be,
because of you.
So I'm gonna give up on trying to be all whole and happy again because that's not gonna happen,
because every day you take something else from me.
So why don't you just take all of me John.
Just take it fucking all.
Stop writing about how you've been tainted by love, and you don't want to love again.
Stop acting like you're the one that's being robbed.
You say you fell in love with the sound and that you want to sing along.
Well the sound is right here, and I love you more than anything.
I love you so much that I can't hate you.
So take me.
Take me for all of it.
Because today wouldn't be a normal day if you didn't take another piece of me.

New Mindset

You know what,
fuck you.
Fuck you you despicable bastard.

For the past month,
I have been the victim,
I've been the hurt one.

It's time for you to hurt.
Fuck you.
Fuck you, you asshole.

You're not a man.
You're not a boy.
You're not even a person.

So go to hell.
Go. to. hell.