Merlot

I could feel the circling tendrils of smoke on his tongue as it traced the road map of my lips. The bitter taste of tobacco mixed with a sweet smell of his skin, and for once, I didn't mind the dirt.

I can't say I love you dear because I don't know if I can love two at once, but maybe I could learn to? Maybe I could love you, if you make me feel like something worth loving. You've already shown me what I've been missing out on, but can you bring me back from the dead? Can you remind me what it's like to be adored? Can you hold my head?

Right now I'm happy to sit on your couch and kiss you. I'm happy to hold your hand as you tell me that as twisted as it is you're glad he dumped me because you had been waiting for me for too long. I'm happy to do that right now.

If I've learned anything about myself through all this, it's that I'm a survivor. I am a fighter. But I can't survive all the time or fight every battle. I'm going to lose a few, and I hope you can lick my wounds better than he could. I hope you think I'm worth it.

I think about all that and try to push it out of my head and live in the moment. Right now, I'm just gonna focus on those smoke rings on your tongue and the pounding rhythm of rain and music that reverberates through my little sports car.

Right now, just pass the damn merlot darling.