Other

Other just left my house.
My whole face smells like other.
My whole mouth tastes like other.

When other first walked in the door I already had a sinking feeling in my stomach,
I already didn't want to do what I was about to do.
At first, when other brushed my hair back from my face and kissed me,
I felt good.
Not happy, but good.
I had second thoughts a little bit when his hands made friends with the pockets on the back of my shorts.
But I ignored it.
And when he pulled me down on the couch into his lap, I went along with it.
Other really is a gifted kisser.
But other doesn't know how to kiss my neck like he did.
Not once did the breath get knocked out of me.

When other grabbed my hand and laced his fingers with mine, I thought it was a sweet gesture,
but when he guided my hand between his legs, I understood the message.
When I let my fingers glide back up to his chest, ignoring the message, he kissed me harder.
Other picked me up and rearranged me in his lap.
When his fingers edged under my tank top,
I let them.
When his hand slipped under the well placed lace, I let it.
But his fingers were like clunky pieces of clay.
Fumbling and uneducated.
When others' head tried to follow his fingers,
I placed a finger under his chin to redirect his path.

He kissed me some more.
When I surfaced for air and looked at his face,
pushing the dusty brown hair here and there,
the only thing I could think of was
"blonde is more fun to play with"
He smiled that goofy smile at me.
The smile of a man thinking with the lesser of his two brains.

I asked other, "What you so smiley about?"
Other's reply, "nothing."

He would have never said nothing.

Other kissed me some more.
But it didn't feel as nice this time.
His spit wasn't so much sweet as it was just slobbery.
And his whiskers hurt.
He tried to guide my hand again.
I refused.
Again.

The next time I pulled away he said he needed to check his phone.
Then he said he had to leave.
Then he kissed me and pinched my ass and walked out the door.

I shut the door.
And let tears flow for the first time in two weeks.